Saturday, December 8, 2007

great expectations

I'm feeling off balance today. I think there are some key things in my life that have been put in the backseat as I've been driving this crazy life the past 9 months. I'm learning to put them up front sometimes, but they need to be up front ALL the time.

I always have high expectations for myself. To achieve the best is important, I don't always do it, but I at least want to strive for it. During my bible study last week I was talking about my struggle to sit. To sit and BE with the Lord. An older, wise woman asked, "Are your expectations realistic for your lifestyle?" I answered yes at the time (I know 15 minutes, if that, of peace is all I have), but now I'm thinking no. I understand that sitting with the Lord for an hour each day just isn't possible. With my cooking business, a 9 month old who still doesn't sleep, a 2 yr old phasing out naps, and a husband, I'm thinking it's just not going to work unless I did it at 3 - 4 a.m. and in that case Lily would be screaming and not much peace would be happening.

I know I need to put in the time. And I don't mean that it has to be a # time, but an existence time. For Jesus to be my perspective. For me to have many moments throughout the day where I realign myself with His purpose for my life. I need to make this relationship with Lord a relationship. I need to do it for me, not for my kids, not for dave, for me and because the Lord desires to be with me. I think all the other expectations I have on myself are suffocating me and I can't seem to figure out how to crawl out from underneath them. I need to find a way to make my expectations realistic for my lifestyle.


Jodi said...

This served as a good reminder for me too Kate, as I can certainly relate. I often find myself thinking, "If I'm not making my relationship with God my top priority, then I'm not going to be the best mom I can be or the best wife I can be, and then my kids, my husband, my ministry at church, my *whatever*, are going to suffer as a result."

But you're right, I need to frequently be refocusing and reminding myself that God simply wants *me*, just because He loves *me* and wants to be in relationship with *me*.

Thanks for sharing. :)