Monday, October 5, 2009

the life of a mother

It's only 1 p.m. and today has already been so eventful.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. Sam has been sleeping from 8 or 9 to about 4 or 5. I'll take it, definitely. But now that I just noted his sleeping pattern, he's going to be up 7 times tonight, for sure.

Today was going to be cleaning day. Clean up the yard, move clothes, watch videos and BAKE! (my favorite thing these days).

Just as I'm finishing my shower, Eloise comes in, I'm dripping wet and says this:

E: "Mama, I'm sorry. I put the Ariel shoe in my mouth."

me: "Did you swallow it?" (which would have been good knowing what was about to happen)

E: "No. I shoved it up my nose"

me: "YOUR NOSE!"

Still dripping, my mind frantically tries to figure out what to do.

Tweezers. No, I could cause alot of damage.
Bulb syringe for babies. Nope. Can't find it. I think I may have thrown it out b/c they were sticking it up their noses. Go figure.

I called the doctor and she gave me a list of things to try. If they didn't work then I would have to come in.

At this point Sam is crying and Eloise is completely freaked out by the tiny shoe in her nose. I'm starting to curse my mother because she is the one who bought this minuscule, scantily clad mermaid who happened to come with shoes. She's a MERMAID, for the love.

After a few tries to get this thing out we decide it's time to go to the doctor.

I called my super great friend Jenny to come watch Lily and we were off. The entire time I'm praying that she won't freak out the moment they get some gigantic, awful looking instrument out to extract the tiny pink shoe from her nose. Oh, and also hoping they don't think I'm the worst parent in the world b/c she also has a bruise on her face from falling yesterday. I can hear CPS being called as I drive.

This super great doctor came in b/c ours was off duty. Says to me. "Well, she not only has it up there far, but it's facing the wrong way. So if we can't get it out, we'll send her down to the ENT (Ear Nose and Throat doctor)." Sweet. This sounds like the way I wanted to spend my day.

Let's stop for a moment to reflect on the fact that I'm trying as hard as I can not to scold or make her feel like an idiot. I'm trying to find the balance before I starting ranting and asking her what in the THE WORLD possessed her to stick a shoe up her nose. Wasn't this supposed to be Sam's job?

Back to the office. She lays out on the table all the tools she's planning on using. Eloise is oblivious at this point. The doctor asks if I've had her blow her nose. Um...I've had her blow all morning. The last thing I want to do is be here. So the doctor tries one more time, apparently a special doctor way that if mama tried it would bring on blood curdling screams heard by the neighbors. After 3 blows, out comes the shoe. Hallelujah!

The doctor made her promise not to stick anything up her nose again. Or her brother's nose. Little does she know that Eloise has a little sister too. We're hoping that we don't find another shoe in Lily's nose.

For now, Ariel, you are bound to be a fish forever b/c those shoes, they are headed for the garbage. There's no way you are going to be part of our world now.


Jodi said...

Ohhhhhh my word. Didn't I just get off the phone with you? I can't believe you had to go through all this today!

TcH said...

hee hee hee hee
Is it bad that I laugh??? I will laugh little, so you can't hear me.
You will laugh one day... a long long long time from now!!!


amanda said...

oh honey!! i giggled. but not for long bc my luck this will be me one day! only i know i won't be as calm as you :)

Kate said...

I love you! Seriously great post, Kate! Are there ever any blogger contests for posts? This is one of your best yet! Not just the content, but your writing. You are fantastic. love you, love that Eloise!

Dena said...

oh man, you kill me. i was already laughing and then you threw in the "part of our world"

so great.

i'm passing this on...


Stephanie Fries said...

I agree with Kate! You are such a great writer! Hilarious! I was sitting here laughing all by myself...I also love the picture and size reference! I would have loved to see Eloise working so hard to get that up her nose! You should commend her honesty...what if she hadn't told you?!