sickness of epic proportions

On Wednesday night, I sat with Eloise in the ER watching her throw up for the 30th time and I cried.  I cried the tears of a mom who felt so helpless to stop her child's pain.  I knew someone could, they just happened to be taking longer than I hoped.

Eloise threw up in the sink on Wednesday night before I left to visit a friend.  When i got back home she had thrown up 8 more times.  And it kept going, closer and faster together.  I almost couldn't believe that her body was doing this to her.  I called the dr. and before they even had a chance to call me back, i was in the car on the way to the ER.  By the time I had arrived she'd thrown up 21 times in just under 4 hours.

And as most everyone knows, when you rush to get to the ER, you wait. and wait. and wait.....During our waiting time, she started to have other symptoms involving the lower half of her bowels.  I thought to myself, "seriously, this is getting worse?"  They gave her a pill to try and stop the vomiting but it just slowed it down to every 30 minutes.

When we finally got to our room, I just laid with her and waited for it to arrive yet again.  For 2 hours I restlessly dozed in between the heaving and then at 2:25 a.m., the last time she threw up, I cried and prayed as only a mother could.  I prayed that life would return to her.  I prayed for her to be bouncing off the walls, I prayed for her to cry.  I thanked God that this wasn't normal life.  I prayed for those families in which this was normal life.  Those that were battling horrific diseases with no end in sight.  I prayed for relief for all of those parents.  I prayed for the family next to us that was dealing with a teenage girl who had talked of committing suicide.  I knew they would quickly take the hand that was dealt to me than the one they were currently facing.

Finally, a dr. came in to my swollen, tear drenched face and said they would finally be giving her an IV.  She was asleep and lifeless on the bed at this point.  When he asked if there was anything else he could do, my first thought was, "MOVE FASTER!"

The nurses were amazing as I think all pediatric nurses are.  They woke her up, got her IV in and she barely made a sound.  Within 15 minutes she was sitting up, talking about the fish on the wall, and told me she was dreaming about a tall glass of water.  And right at that point, I started to get sick.  The nurses helped to sit with Eloise while I dealt with a sour stomach.

Thanks to their compassion, they bestowed upon me some glorious anti-nausea medicine that helped to alleviate the symptoms.  The problem is, the meds also made me drowsy and it was 4 a.m.  I prayed again on our drive home that I would be able to make it without falling asleep.  It was by far the scariest drive I have ever driven.

Upon arriving home we realized that our heat was out and it was only 59 degrees in our house.  I could not believe that this was happening.  I laid down for 2 hours and prayed, yet again, that the heat would turn on. I prayed for mercy.  I told the Lord I was done. We had some amazing friends come to our rescue.  Lily had a playdate, treats and movies and coffee and flowers were dropped off.  And a space heater!

After long naps, Dave getting back from work, and baths, I thought about what was good about everything that had just happened in the last 12 hours.  Because the only way I was going to stay out of a funk was making sure to look for the good things.  So here's some good things:
Eloise got the medication she needed and it worked almost immediately.
Eloise is not chronically ill
The nurses gave me medication to help keep me from throwing up
The dr. gave our entire family a weeks worth of that same medication
I made it home safely
The man who fixed our heater is honest and kind
Dave was able to stay home for most of the day
We have a washer and dryer to clean all of our laundry
She is better, slept 14 hours last night and woke up a happy 5 year old

When Eloise and I sat down today, I asked her to tell me what she thought was good about the situation.
She said that the "straw in her arm" (IV) was good b/c it made her feel better and it didn't hurt when they put it in
She got to drink a tall glass of water
That Jesus was with me in the hospital and mama too
That I got new sparkly panties
That God kept me safe from the loud noise that the tube made when they put the straw in my arm

I am still surprised at how emotional this experience was for me.  Lily and I have spent many times together in ER's and dr.'s offices with her barely breathing and I was seemingly unemotional.  But with Eloise, something took over in me.  The crying came on without warning and the level of sadness and helplessness I had felt so deep.  Maybe it's because I've never seen her in that type of situation and I've come to accept it with Lily. Who knows?  But I hope never to repeat it anytime soon.

On a slightly different note, I do think that more scripture in my mind would have been helpful.  I don't know if I could have recalled it given the middle of the night, overwhelming emotions I was feeling, but it did remind me of it's importance.  I'd like to work on that.

In the meantime, we healthy and rising up out of the sickness funk.  Thanks friends for your help and prayers.