linky loo

I think I'm going to take a break from Favorite Link Friday. I've been doing it for over a year and feel like it's becoming more of a burden than something fun. I really enjoy sharing links so I'll just do it when I find a few here and there. And who knows, maybe I'll surprise you with a FLF real soon....

Have a great weekend!

complain, complain, complain

Complaining is rampant in our house this week. And I know who the chief complainer is...ME!

What combats complaint? Being reminded of those things that are GOOD. Thankfulness.

Take today as an example. Eloise has a fever and with fevers come crying and whining. Lily is fine but she's almost 3, so we know what comes with that -- trouble. Sam is slightly sick but is just a baby and can only go so long without being held. As I'm tending to one, the other two are crying and as I'm holding one, someone is falling or hurting themselves. It's enough to make a girl feel nauseated (and it actually does because of the Graves' diagnosis).

Last night was HORRIBLE. All kids up at all different hours. At one point I was up with someone every 10 minutes for over an hour. I finally laid back in bed and started crying, "serenity now"!!!! Then Dave left because I was tossing and turning. Eloise somehow made it to our bed and before I knew it, it was 4 a.m. and Sam was up for a feed. Morning arrives and my head fells like someone has been punching it all night long. Coffee can not come fast enough.

But I'm quick to realize that it's only 8 o'clock and I have to survive until 6:30. Not to mention feed them all and make sure they sleep. This will be our 3rd day in the house and the walls keep getting smaller.

I have to make it through and i can either make it through whining (which is what drives me crazy about my kids) or I can choose to find the positive. I'll be honest, mustering up thankfulness doesn't roll out easily.


FOLLOW UP: As I look back at today I've realized something profound. About 4 o'clock, Eloise was on the couch, as she had been all day, and Lily and I were outside playing (Sam was sleeping). I walked over to a flower bed to start cutting back some hydrangea's. I looked down at a Lenten Rose my mom had given me last year. It's the first flower to bloom and always blooms at the beginning of Lent.

Today is Ash Wednesday signifying the beginning of Lent. I grew up Lutheran and observed Lent every year. It holds a very significant place in my heart and history.

People often give up something for Lent in order to prepare them to have a small understand of the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross. I think of it more as a time of looking inward to see what the Lord can use to teach us more about himself. A refinement process.

As I looked at the rose I realized what needed to be refined in my life -- complaint. I needed to learn to not complain. Because complaint is evidence of doubting God's goodness. This doesn't mean I need to be happy and blissful all the time, but to see the other side of the coin. To see that there is always goodness somewhere in the midst of difficulty. And I cannot see the goodness if I'm complaining all the time.

So I'm giving up complaining for Lent. Every time I complain, I'm putting a quarter in a jar. My kids are going to put in a penny. (they are joining me in this too) At the end, all money has to go towards something good (hopefully there won't be alot in there).

Philippians 2:13-15 (New International Version)

for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe Complaint is hard to overcome, but I'm hoping joy covers over all.

Complaint is hard to overcome, but with God all things are possible.

daily life

Tonight as I was putting Sam to sleep, I stopped for a moment to think of all the things about our daily life that I didn't want to forget. As much as raising little ones is taxing, there are so many sweet moments that I know will pass quickly. Here are a few:

*I put Sam to sleep every night while Dave puts the girls down. After getting him ready, I sit and nurse until he falls asleep. I didn't do this with the other two b/c I was too afraid of creating a habit. But it is by far my most favorite part of my day. The room is dark, noise maker on and my rocking chair comfy. For 15 minutes there is silence without interruption. I looked at him tonight and felt complete joy. He is my last baby and my only boy. He is 6 months and the most precious little man. For him, i am thankful.

*The girls are getting to a place where they miss each other. Even when the other person is in the other room. I love to see their relationship grow and their love deepen. Don't misunderstand though, they still fight.

*They are getting incredibly creative in their play. Today I got out of the shower and Eloise said, "Mom, Ariel is going around in circles". Can you see her?

Yes, this is the Ariel that had the tiny show that Eloise shoved up her nose. I H-A-T-E the way they have dressed her or rather not dressed her. Did they really have to keep her naked? Really? I've been meaning to take a trip to the garbage with her, but she's usually in someone's hand.

*Sam is almost sitting up. His favorite toy? Eloise. He loves her and smiles brightly when she walks into the room.

*With 3 kids, you have to be creative and let go of the idea that things should be a certain way. If they want to stop and color on the floor, then so be it. They aren't fighting or whining. They are being creative and having fun.

*Lily loves to vacuum. She did the entire kitchen tonight. I'll gladly take a break.


*Thinking about photoshop but it sounds hard to learn. I really want to work on my photos. Anyone know any user friendly programs?

All in all, enjoying each day despite the difficulties.

a reason for being tired

Dave got the job full time!!!! This is such a blessing and he is super jacked to be working at Parliament. It's a great group of people and we feel that the Lord has led us right to this place.

While Dave was working on figuring out if this job was a right fit, I was adjusting to life at home full time with the kids. This was a first for me b/c Dave was always home during the day before.

I started to feel extremely tired. I figured it was because of Sam crazy sleeping habits. So we made the effort to work on him sleeping longer stretches. When I was finally getting stretches longer than 3 hours I was still heavily fatigued. And it took me at least and hour to fall asleep despite being thoroughly exhausted.

With sleep deprivation came shaky hands. Tremors. Then I was feeling irritable and having several anxiety attacks. Then let's throw in insatiable appetite while trying to lose weight. I felt like I was going crazy. I thought I was hitting postpartum 6 months into having a baby. I know it's possible, but I didn't suffer from it with Lily or Eloise.

I asked some friends I knew who had struggled with anxiety and depression after kids. But something just didn't sound right. A friend suggested I have my thyroid tested.

I had a blood test done last week and found out I have Graves' disease (hyperthyroidism). I have almost every symptom (besides goiter - thankfully). My mom had this and heredity is one of the main contributors.

I haven't had relief from the symptoms but I feel a huge sense of peace knowing that there is a solid reason behind what I'm feeling. My hands still shake, my heart beats irregularly, and I don't sleep well. I have an appointment this week to figure out the medication plan. Until then, my mom is coming to help and I've got some play dates lined up.

favorite link friday

It's one tired mama here. Not b/c of Sam. He's actually sleeping better. But lots of others things going on. I'll divulge later. But for now, these are a few things that have struck me this week.

*One amazing cake - I wonder how long this too.

*One Charming Party - a cute little blog. I had fun looking at all the Valentine's ideas.

*Valentine's day links from Simple Kids

have a great Valentine's. Hug someone!

update

I'm still tired, but we've made some movement towards this little guy sleeping for a stretch of at least 8 hours.

Once I connected the anxiety and shaking to sleep deprivation, I've made more of an effort to take rest and try and eliminate the extra during a time that doesn't allow for extra.

Yesterday I prayed over Sam and our house to have supernatural rest. Sam slept for almost 2 hours and I slept in Lily's bed (girls were resting together in my bed) for and hour and a half. It was the most amazing rest I've had in a while.

He's cried at night. Last night was for almost 2 hours. The good part -- he's not a screamer, he's just fussing and sometimes talking. But he's figuring out how to put himself back to sleep without mama nursing him there. It feels a bit more exhausting, but I know, know for sure, that our family needs me to sleep and this really is the only option.

So thanks for the prayers and encouragement, we appreciate it.

It's a good thing the little guy is cute.

sleep deprived mama

I'm not a person who struggles spiritually. In fact, during Dave's time of unemployment I felt closest to the Lord. But when my children don't sleep through the night or are having trouble sleeping as babies, I am wrecked. I question almost everything. My insecurity as a parent is at it's peak and my anxiety level is through the roof.

Why? I really don't know. My greatest question is why other people have kids that sleep easily and I don't. Kind of like a kid asking why their sister got something and they didn't. Complete with feet stomping.

I am so overtired I feel physically sick. My hands shake almost all the time and I have little patience for my other two. It's at that point. You know the point where you have to let them cry and everything within you doesn't want to. Where you think others are going to think you are the worst parent in the world. (Chances are those parents who think you are horrible, didn't have kids who had sleeping issues).

I've tried everything. I make sure I cover my bases for all those things 'they' say you should do. Put down awake. Check.
On a schedule. Check.
Consistent bedtime. Check.
Seriously, I've done it all. And now that I'm looking at all of this, I'm wondering if I didn't do it all and just let it be if my children would have slept better. Who knows?

All this to say, my mind is mush, my body is beyond exhausted, and it's to the point where Dave has to take over and i need to let go. Sam is loved deeply and dearly. His mama would appreciate him more if she got more than two hours sleep.

Prayers for sleep much appreciated. And prayers for peace of mind even more appreciated.