Saturday, July 21, 2007


I talked about Jenny in a previous post. Check out her story, it's amazing, terrible, encouraging, and overwhelming all at once.

Every time I read of Jenny I instantly get goosebumps. I am immediately taken back to my birth with Lily.

As most of you know, Lily was a shocking surprise. Eloise was just 10 months old and dave and I had talked about trying for #2 when she was 2 or 3. Sometimes we even talked of only having one. I knew that having more than one was going to be a big challenge. I felt like having ONE was a huge challenge.

The day I found out I was pregnant I was angry. I cried the moment I took the test and then took 3 more waiting for one to say negative. Even if I was pregnant, I was going to hang onto that one negative. I was extremely upset. I didn't tell anyone for several days. In fact, I told my mom a week later, to be respectful, but I made the point of telling her that I could not talk about it. I refused to talk about being pregnant for several weeks. And even after that, never really liked talking about being pregnant, except for rare moments with Dave.

I was bitter most of my pregnancy. At the end, when people would ask me if I was ready, I would always respond no. I would rather be prego and uncomfortable than deal with two.

The morning I went into labor (of course a week early), I asked for forgiveness. I admitted that I was wrong for being angry with the Lord and not loving this baby. Lily's labor was very easy going. I was able to talk through most of it and relax in the tub throughout most of the time. Then she arrived in four short pushes lasting 15 minutes. When everyone in the room yelled, "It's a girl" my heart melted. The first time Eloise met her sister and kissed her, I burst into tears. It was going to be okay.

Lily has changed me. She has relaxed me. She has shown me that I can survive with kids. That I can get 25 things done a day and still be calm. She has cuddled with me, although still not a rocker like eloise. Lily won't even let me sit in the rocker except to nurse. She has softened me and allowed me the forgiveness the Lord was providing.

When I think of my birth and think about Jenny I feel so thankful that the Lord provided a wonderful home birth with no complications and so much support and love. I cannot even imagine never being able to hold lily, see her coming out, or nurse. Jenny still hasn't communicated with words. My heart aches for that family. I cannot imagine what kind of pressure her husband must feel. I think of Dave and what he would do. It is by God's grace that they are all holding together. Please pray that Jenny would heal quickly and be able to hold her new baby girl. Pray for her husband and their other little girl.