this crazy world of blogging

Blogging for me has been therapeutic. It is a time for me to dig into my mind for a moment and examine the thoughts that are there. It is a time for me to debrief, focus, and write down those things I want to remember or think about more.

I logged on tonight not thinking about writing but exploring. I found myself winding through this crazy world of bloggers to lead me to several different women's blogs. All of them Christian women focusing on how to 1). love the Lord 2). Love their husbands, and 3). love their children. Amidst these different missions there is a need to be an example who the Lord is in their life.

This week I have struggled with how to bring the Lord into Eloise's life. Such a weird question for me to ask. I heard someone say, and i love it, that "your job isn't to raise a godly child, it's to be a godly parent". So true and I have said it over and over to myself many days. But i don't think it clicked until "puking day" (see post below).

I was in the middle of a conversation with a wonderful friend who is one of my many mommy mentors. I asked her this question of how to bring up the subject of God. Some of you many be wondering why I haven't done it yet. Well, I'm afraid of Jesus becoming habitual and non-personal. Of Him becoming something that is mundane. I'm afraid of her becoming me. Not me now, but me as an adolescent. I don't want for her to go through the pain I did. I want her to choose Jesus and submit to him forever. Never straying and never testing the waters on the other side. (side note: I want all this for Lily too, but Eloise is the one in the forefront of my mind)

I am afraid of praying at dinner, that it will become something that is just a process we go through before eating and not a time of thanks for all the Lord has given. I am afraid of praying before bed for fear that it will become just part of a routine before laying our head on the pillow not seeing that this could be a great opportunity to ask the Lord for rest and rejuvenation.

Right before Eloise threw up my friend made a statement that has been grinding away in my mind ever since. When I asked her how she presented Jesus to her kids, she didn't even have to think about it. She said I talk to them all the time about God. It was as if I had asked her a foreign question..."I just do". She said that if we are as parents are spending time with the Lord and making it an active part of our life, it should just flow out of us. Smack....I'm hit with a ton of bricks.

I am NOT spending the time I need to with the Lord. I communicate with Him alot but I'm not studying him. I am a spiritual person but I lack the the discipline of spending time in the Word.

I need to make this a priority. Not only for myself but for the spiritual sake of my family. I need to find a great book to help me on my way. Something to kick start this whole study thing. Any suggestions are always appreciated.

So I will update you on how this journey progresses. I can't say it will be perfect, but it will be me struggling to learn more about who the Lord is in hopes of living it and passing it onto my children.