thoughts and links

::I get to wash my hair tomorrow, with shampoo. Man, I'm excited.

::I've been reading People magazine's my mom brought me last weekend. My grandma gets them from my sister-in-law's mom. Is it bad that I get super excited to read them? I LOVE People magazine, especially the pictures. I skip over all those TV, Movie, and book reviews. BORING.

::Had my thyroid appointment today. They are testing to see if it was pregnancy induced or hereditary. I'm hoping pregnancy, then I might not have to remove it. They did use the word "goiter" in the appointment. Thankfully, it's small. But I couldn't help but crack up thinking of that Seinfeld episode.

::Speaking of testing, I hate needles and blood tests don't work well with that. Last week I asked the girl if she was good. She said yes. She stuck me twice. Not good. Today. Stuck twice. Really not good.

::Had 4 different doctor's appointments this week. One for well check ups for Sam and Lily. Lily is 31 lbs and 38 inches. That's 3 inches shorter than Eloise at that age. She is my shortest kid holding in the 99th percentile.

::That well check up visit, took all 3 kids for the first time ever. It was crazy but they did well. Makes me want an itouch to download some videos. It's not beneath me to distract my children with TV.

::All my kids weighed the same at 2 mon. (12 lbs), 4 mon. (14 lbs), and 6 mon. (16 lbs). Sam and Eloise are the same height pattern, over 100 percentile. Eloise is predicted to be 5'11.

::Eloise being tall doesn't make it easy to find pants. We're inbetween the toddler section and the big girls. And I have to be honest, some of the big girl stuff looks a little sketchy for me. I'm a conservative girl. I want my little girl to look like a little girl for as long as possible. Leggings and dresses it is.

::I really miss Favorite Link Friday. I might start it up again. Maybe I'll start with this once a month cooking website I found. very interesting. I may just surprise you all with a FLF. Who knows???

laughing at myself

Today was a great day! For those of you praying for me, thank you. I feel it for sure. It's 10 p.m. and I feel like I could go all night. Lots of joy, too!

I think it may have been the humor I've had towards myself today. It's the only thing keeping me from crawling out of my skin that hasn't been showered.

Yep, can't take a shower for 2 days. Two days, people!!!

I went for my biopsy yesterday morning and just after they were finished the nurse says, "So, you can't get your hair wet for 2 days". What??? My heart begins to race. Two days? I don't even wake up until I get a shower. Let alone 2 days worth.

Then I ask, "Can I wash it after the 48 hours?"

"Nope. Can't use shampoo or styling stuff for 72 hours". Saturday? Really?

For a girl with curly hair, this just isn't going to cut it. I have one hat and it makes my head itch. not a good combo with 3 stitches in your head.

I'm left with the aunt Jemima bandanna. Super cute! And I have to go see our pediatrician tomorrow. He's not old and he's slightly attractive.

Here's a visual: Aunt Jemima and her three squirmy kids at the cute pediatrician's office in the trendy part of town. Lovely. Time to swallow that pride.

three!

Our sweet Lily Grace is officially 3!

Lily is the glue that holds our family together. She is our smile and laughter. Her squeezes are always tight and her kisses offered up freely. She's a tough, girly-girl. She loves princesses and the sandbox and her favorite toy is her trike.

I have enjoyed watching her grow over these few short years and I look forward to many more years ahead.

We celebrated tonight with a trip to Burgerville for a strawberry milkshake. Unfortunately she couldn't finish all of it b/c of her nasty cough. Thankfully she's getting better and we follow-up on Thursday with a plan for her meds.

We love you Lily Grace.

so...that whole complaining thing

Well....lots of dollars should be going in jars b/c of my complaints. Actually, I didn't even have time to make the jar before life got a little out of control.

Last Tuesday the girls came down with colds. Fevers quickly followed and Lily's asthma went into full swing. Sam started to get sick and my mom quickly swooped in to lend a hand.

Friday, I went to my appointment to try and figure out a plan for my thyroid. The dr. was an internist and told me she really couldn't do much and that I needed to see and Endocrinologist.

I came home focusing on the fact that I needed to make an appointment right away with the Endo dr. and found out I wouldn't get in until next Friday. I started to think about the week ahead and was instantly overwhelmed.
Then it all hit, lack of sleep, kids sick, house duties, etc. Add to this Eloise insisting on sleeping without a diaper despite the fact that she can't hold her pee at night, (think LOTS and LOTS of laundry). Then thyroid symptoms hit hard.

My mom left yesterday and Sam was getting worse. Dave came home from church and got a txt to go to the Blazer game. I told him it was okay to go and I burst into tears. Being the loving husband that he is, he didn't go. This is a BIG sacrifice for him b/c he loves the blazers.

Today I took Sam and Lily into the dr. after much agonizing (I hate taken my kids to the dr. for useless appointments). Lily still doing okay (but on lots of steroid's so she's crazy) and Sam has RSV. Lily had this when she was only 10 days old and it's doomed her ever since with asthma. I'm hoping Sam doesn't follow.

Add to all this a biopsy I have tomorrow for a suspicious looking mole thing that grew on my scalp while I was pregnant with Sam. I'm so nervous for the procedure (not really the results, I'm pretty sure it's going to be okay).

So complaining...yep, I'm trying people, really trying. But today, when I had a screaming toddler who I had to put in her room b/c I was afraid I might get really mad at her, it was really hard to keep a lid on it. At one point I put the Sass juice in the middle of the table and thought that maybe I needed some. (I'll explain Sass Juice later).

But I will add this, so much support from friends and my church family. The coffee's brought to my house and the meals have been great. You all are amazing!

Lily's 3rd birthday

Lily's 3rd birthday is Tuesday. But my mom came down this weekend to help out so we celebrated Saturday. Poor thing had a 103 temp. and couldn't even enjoy her cake. Sad. But we managed to make the best of it and celebrate anyway with a princess party.

Her cake:

Her dinner: mac and cheese, corn dogs, and fruit salad (strawberries, grapes, and blueberries) with pink juice.

My mom and i went to Target to find some gifts the night before. They have a new line called B. SO CUTE!!! They have a bead set, called B. pop-arty, to make necklaces, rings, and bracelets -- without a string. they all clip together, which is great b/c we are always losing strings around here. I would highly recommend this gift for any kid over 3. My mom and I were having tons of fun with it. I think my mom more than Lily.

We also got her a doodle pad that she loves. Good for practicing her letters.

And a bristle block set. They like building houses for their Polly Pockets.

And this is so cute for Sam for his first birthday. I want to get it now.

Add to all this a scooter, princess soap and vitamins. We decided to do the princess theme up big. She loves it and when she's 12 princesses will be lame, so if the girl wants pretty girls in big dresses around then so be it.

I love this kid. She is so sick right now. Lots of asthma, non-stop coughing, and a fever. We need our sweet, cooky Lily back soon.

blog thoughts

we're in the midst of lots of sickness. it's humbling at best.

I have a few thoughts I'd like to address.

First - A few have commented recently who have never commented. So great. It's been awesome. Especially Katy who also had Graves' with her third child. Incredibly helpful. That is why I love people I don't know reading, more information. I'm curious to know those who read my blog. If you have never commented. Please do. And it can't be anonymous!

Second, my blog was never intended to be something that people were drawn to. It was just a way for me to write my thoughts, happenings, and ideas. Then it turned into a sharing place (favorite link friday) - a broader way to share with friends near and far those ideas I thought were good. But again, never a grand scale blog.

This leads me to address a few comments that have been left annoymously about the improvement of my blog. First, if you have an idea about how you think I can improve, leave your idea and include your name. Your idea may be good enough for me to look into, who knows. Second, remember that my main purpose is not to draw large amounts of people. It's to share about my life with family and friends.

okay - now let me know who you are! thanks!

linky loo

I think I'm going to take a break from Favorite Link Friday. I've been doing it for over a year and feel like it's becoming more of a burden than something fun. I really enjoy sharing links so I'll just do it when I find a few here and there. And who knows, maybe I'll surprise you with a FLF real soon....

Have a great weekend!

complain, complain, complain

Complaining is rampant in our house this week. And I know who the chief complainer is...ME!

What combats complaint? Being reminded of those things that are GOOD. Thankfulness.

Take today as an example. Eloise has a fever and with fevers come crying and whining. Lily is fine but she's almost 3, so we know what comes with that -- trouble. Sam is slightly sick but is just a baby and can only go so long without being held. As I'm tending to one, the other two are crying and as I'm holding one, someone is falling or hurting themselves. It's enough to make a girl feel nauseated (and it actually does because of the Graves' diagnosis).

Last night was HORRIBLE. All kids up at all different hours. At one point I was up with someone every 10 minutes for over an hour. I finally laid back in bed and started crying, "serenity now"!!!! Then Dave left because I was tossing and turning. Eloise somehow made it to our bed and before I knew it, it was 4 a.m. and Sam was up for a feed. Morning arrives and my head fells like someone has been punching it all night long. Coffee can not come fast enough.

But I'm quick to realize that it's only 8 o'clock and I have to survive until 6:30. Not to mention feed them all and make sure they sleep. This will be our 3rd day in the house and the walls keep getting smaller.

I have to make it through and i can either make it through whining (which is what drives me crazy about my kids) or I can choose to find the positive. I'll be honest, mustering up thankfulness doesn't roll out easily.


FOLLOW UP: As I look back at today I've realized something profound. About 4 o'clock, Eloise was on the couch, as she had been all day, and Lily and I were outside playing (Sam was sleeping). I walked over to a flower bed to start cutting back some hydrangea's. I looked down at a Lenten Rose my mom had given me last year. It's the first flower to bloom and always blooms at the beginning of Lent.

Today is Ash Wednesday signifying the beginning of Lent. I grew up Lutheran and observed Lent every year. It holds a very significant place in my heart and history.

People often give up something for Lent in order to prepare them to have a small understand of the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross. I think of it more as a time of looking inward to see what the Lord can use to teach us more about himself. A refinement process.

As I looked at the rose I realized what needed to be refined in my life -- complaint. I needed to learn to not complain. Because complaint is evidence of doubting God's goodness. This doesn't mean I need to be happy and blissful all the time, but to see the other side of the coin. To see that there is always goodness somewhere in the midst of difficulty. And I cannot see the goodness if I'm complaining all the time.

So I'm giving up complaining for Lent. Every time I complain, I'm putting a quarter in a jar. My kids are going to put in a penny. (they are joining me in this too) At the end, all money has to go towards something good (hopefully there won't be alot in there).

Philippians 2:13-15 (New International Version)

for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe Complaint is hard to overcome, but I'm hoping joy covers over all.

Complaint is hard to overcome, but with God all things are possible.

daily life

Tonight as I was putting Sam to sleep, I stopped for a moment to think of all the things about our daily life that I didn't want to forget. As much as raising little ones is taxing, there are so many sweet moments that I know will pass quickly. Here are a few:

*I put Sam to sleep every night while Dave puts the girls down. After getting him ready, I sit and nurse until he falls asleep. I didn't do this with the other two b/c I was too afraid of creating a habit. But it is by far my most favorite part of my day. The room is dark, noise maker on and my rocking chair comfy. For 15 minutes there is silence without interruption. I looked at him tonight and felt complete joy. He is my last baby and my only boy. He is 6 months and the most precious little man. For him, i am thankful.

*The girls are getting to a place where they miss each other. Even when the other person is in the other room. I love to see their relationship grow and their love deepen. Don't misunderstand though, they still fight.

*They are getting incredibly creative in their play. Today I got out of the shower and Eloise said, "Mom, Ariel is going around in circles". Can you see her?

Yes, this is the Ariel that had the tiny show that Eloise shoved up her nose. I H-A-T-E the way they have dressed her or rather not dressed her. Did they really have to keep her naked? Really? I've been meaning to take a trip to the garbage with her, but she's usually in someone's hand.

*Sam is almost sitting up. His favorite toy? Eloise. He loves her and smiles brightly when she walks into the room.

*With 3 kids, you have to be creative and let go of the idea that things should be a certain way. If they want to stop and color on the floor, then so be it. They aren't fighting or whining. They are being creative and having fun.

*Lily loves to vacuum. She did the entire kitchen tonight. I'll gladly take a break.


*Thinking about photoshop but it sounds hard to learn. I really want to work on my photos. Anyone know any user friendly programs?

All in all, enjoying each day despite the difficulties.

a reason for being tired

Dave got the job full time!!!! This is such a blessing and he is super jacked to be working at Parliament. It's a great group of people and we feel that the Lord has led us right to this place.

While Dave was working on figuring out if this job was a right fit, I was adjusting to life at home full time with the kids. This was a first for me b/c Dave was always home during the day before.

I started to feel extremely tired. I figured it was because of Sam crazy sleeping habits. So we made the effort to work on him sleeping longer stretches. When I was finally getting stretches longer than 3 hours I was still heavily fatigued. And it took me at least and hour to fall asleep despite being thoroughly exhausted.

With sleep deprivation came shaky hands. Tremors. Then I was feeling irritable and having several anxiety attacks. Then let's throw in insatiable appetite while trying to lose weight. I felt like I was going crazy. I thought I was hitting postpartum 6 months into having a baby. I know it's possible, but I didn't suffer from it with Lily or Eloise.

I asked some friends I knew who had struggled with anxiety and depression after kids. But something just didn't sound right. A friend suggested I have my thyroid tested.

I had a blood test done last week and found out I have Graves' disease (hyperthyroidism). I have almost every symptom (besides goiter - thankfully). My mom had this and heredity is one of the main contributors.

I haven't had relief from the symptoms but I feel a huge sense of peace knowing that there is a solid reason behind what I'm feeling. My hands still shake, my heart beats irregularly, and I don't sleep well. I have an appointment this week to figure out the medication plan. Until then, my mom is coming to help and I've got some play dates lined up.

favorite link friday

It's one tired mama here. Not b/c of Sam. He's actually sleeping better. But lots of others things going on. I'll divulge later. But for now, these are a few things that have struck me this week.

*One amazing cake - I wonder how long this too.

*One Charming Party - a cute little blog. I had fun looking at all the Valentine's ideas.

*Valentine's day links from Simple Kids

have a great Valentine's. Hug someone!

update

I'm still tired, but we've made some movement towards this little guy sleeping for a stretch of at least 8 hours.

Once I connected the anxiety and shaking to sleep deprivation, I've made more of an effort to take rest and try and eliminate the extra during a time that doesn't allow for extra.

Yesterday I prayed over Sam and our house to have supernatural rest. Sam slept for almost 2 hours and I slept in Lily's bed (girls were resting together in my bed) for and hour and a half. It was the most amazing rest I've had in a while.

He's cried at night. Last night was for almost 2 hours. The good part -- he's not a screamer, he's just fussing and sometimes talking. But he's figuring out how to put himself back to sleep without mama nursing him there. It feels a bit more exhausting, but I know, know for sure, that our family needs me to sleep and this really is the only option.

So thanks for the prayers and encouragement, we appreciate it.

It's a good thing the little guy is cute.

sleep deprived mama

I'm not a person who struggles spiritually. In fact, during Dave's time of unemployment I felt closest to the Lord. But when my children don't sleep through the night or are having trouble sleeping as babies, I am wrecked. I question almost everything. My insecurity as a parent is at it's peak and my anxiety level is through the roof.

Why? I really don't know. My greatest question is why other people have kids that sleep easily and I don't. Kind of like a kid asking why their sister got something and they didn't. Complete with feet stomping.

I am so overtired I feel physically sick. My hands shake almost all the time and I have little patience for my other two. It's at that point. You know the point where you have to let them cry and everything within you doesn't want to. Where you think others are going to think you are the worst parent in the world. (Chances are those parents who think you are horrible, didn't have kids who had sleeping issues).

I've tried everything. I make sure I cover my bases for all those things 'they' say you should do. Put down awake. Check.
On a schedule. Check.
Consistent bedtime. Check.
Seriously, I've done it all. And now that I'm looking at all of this, I'm wondering if I didn't do it all and just let it be if my children would have slept better. Who knows?

All this to say, my mind is mush, my body is beyond exhausted, and it's to the point where Dave has to take over and i need to let go. Sam is loved deeply and dearly. His mama would appreciate him more if she got more than two hours sleep.

Prayers for sleep much appreciated. And prayers for peace of mind even more appreciated.